Disastrous Liaison
by Dizzo
Summary: Research is boring; the boys get distracted and discuss one of Dean's more unusual conquests. Rated T for a little bit of implied sauce.
1. Chapter 1

DISASTEROUS LIAISON

It's a dangerous thing when I've got time to kill.

I've been looking back through some of my oldest stories and decided to revisit little old relic called 'Ba (only the second fanfic I ever wrote). I have a lot of fondness for this little effort, but when I looked back on it, I felt that I could do so much more with it. It's also so full of Brit-isms, it's quite embarrassing when I look back on it now.

So, I've examined it, pulled it apart, put it back together, put a bit more meat on it's bones and made the brothers sound more like two Lawrence boys than two London boys, and I am happy to present the new, improved version of 'Bait' to whoever wants to read it!

B.T.W ... I've left the old story 'Bait' on my profile because some people had favourited it and in case anyone wanted to read that too!

anyway ...

Research is boring; the boys get distracted and discuss one of Dean's more unusual conquests.

Disclaimer: don't own, sigh ...

xxxxx

"So," Sam slowly closed his laptop with a sigh, "it looks like one of us will have to act as bait to draw the Succubus out before she gets her claws into some other poor sap."

Dean nodded, rolling his eyes in impatient resignation; "well, it'll have to be me then, won't it."

Sam gave him a questioning look in return.

"I mean," Dean continued; "unless she's some needy, touchy-feely, new age, hippie chick succubus who's into angsty, emo geeks and enjoys meaningful conversation before, during and after sex, you're not gonna be her type, are you?"

Sam folded his arms with a frown. "So I suppose the fact that you're a shameless man-tramp who will bang anything with oestrogen makes you her type then, does it?"

Dean glared back at Sam with a look of wounded indignation; "Sam, firstly, I am every woman on the planet's 'type', even the fugly Supernatural ones; you should know that by now," he continued, jabbing his finger into sam's sternum petulantly; "and secondly, I take exception to your comment about banging anything with oestrogen; I'm a strictly one-species guy, dude. Girl sheep have oestrogen, and I have never banged a sheep, nor do I ever intend to."

Sam shook his head in amusement; "well, there was that time in Colorado …" he offered.

"Dude, button it," Dean's voice carried a hint of menace.

"With the Shetland Pony …" Sam continued gleefully.

"Sam ... you are one syllable away from a fat lip."

Sam's grin stretched wider with every disgruntled word his brother managed to splutter in his direction.

"Anyway", Dean snapped, "that wasn't my fault; I can't be held responsible for anything that happened on that friggin' hunt; that goddamn witch cast a spell on me!"

Sam was struggling to hold it together.

"Only because you ran her cat over," he pointed out, weakly fighting the urge to bust out laughing.

"It was an accident," Dean moaned; "but typical skanky witch, the bitch wouldn't listen when I tried to explain."

"You reversed the Impala over it, dude!" Sam took great pleasure in reminding his brother.

Dean glared darkly in Sam's direction.

"I love animals Sammy," he muttered irritably; "I didn't wanna hurt the friggin' cat. I could never be cruel to any of God's little creatures."

"Well, I'm one of Gods little creatures," Sam was quick to remind Dean; "you don't mind being cruel to me."

"You don't count" Dean snorted gruffly; "pain-in-the-ass kid brothers are fair game."

He glowered as Sam still struggled to contain his mirth.

"Anyway," he snorted, "shall we get back to the matter in hand? Or are you just gonna sit there making smartass comments and giggling like a girl?"

Dean pulled his chair over to join Sam at the tatty motel table which groaned under the weight of the huge grimoire they had borrowed from Bobby's library, and together, they began to pore unenthusiastically over it's dusty pages.

xxxxx

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

DISASTEROUS LIAISON

Chapter 2

xxxxx

A couple of mind-numbingly dull hours passed, both brothers becoming more and more distracted and fidgety; backs aching from being bent over the table, eyes aching from reading the tiny, untidy print in the ancient book.

"It was Daisy, wasn't it?" Sam's voice eventually broke the pall of boredom that had descended over them both.

"What?" Dean blinked a film of dust out of his tired eyes.

"The Shetland Pony?" Sam repeated with a grin; "Daisy?" He had decided baiting his brother was by far the most entertaining way to fill a break from their dry, tedious labours.

"Go and boil your face," came the ingracious response.

Sam's mischievous grin crept back across his face as he stared at Dean who was pointedly trying to ignore him.

He failed and slammed the book shut with a scowl.

"I know what you're thinking, you pervy troll," he snapped, "and you know perfectly well that Bobby was able to find the incantation to lift the spell before things got - well - out of hand."

Sam spluttered as his fragile veneer of self-control began to crack.

"All I did was hit on her and buy her some flowers," Dean added with misplaced satisfaction.

"I remember," chuckled Sam, "she ate them."

Dean's glare darkened.

"Right," he barked, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation; "well, you can be fugly-ass Succubus bait then, just so I can sit in the Impala in comfort and watch you get stood up by something that no one else would touch with a long stick, bitch."

Sam snorted with laughter and leaned back in his chair. He knew that was an empty threat; whatever was said, it was a moot point; however irritated Dean became, he would never allow Sam to put himself at risk as bait to the succubus.

"Anyway Samantha; Mister Sammy Smug McSmartass," Dean announced, rising from the table; "it wasn't Daisy, it was Dolly. So you were wrong." He smiled with immense satisfaction; " So stop your sniggering and poke it up your ass, loser."

Dean strode away from the table toward the refrigerator looking mightily pleased with himself. Battle won by Dean Winchester, and that deserved a long, cold beer.

Sam watched him go, his face alight with wicked glee.

"Dean, that's so sweet," he crooned; "Dolly must have meant a lot to you, I mean, you never remember the name of your human conquests …"

"SAM!"

xxxxx

end


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